


Keepsake

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Drama, Ethan Gold Bashing, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Points of View, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-07
Updated: 2006-01-02
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Alternate Universe - - Brian's known him his entire life.  He'd never expected him to change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

                           

Prologue.

 

 

 

 

**xxx**

 

 

B.

 

 

 

 

 

You've known him since he was born because you worked for Jennifer Taylor after your best-friend's mom, Debbie Novotney, took you in after you ran away from your parents to get away from the abuse.  Yeah, at the age of _twelve_.  Jennifer Taylor had been kind enough to let you clean her dishes, when Craig wasn't home, and even clean the windows and even, a few times, she had let you mow the lawn. Only the backyard though because the front had a steep hill that you wouldn't have been able to get the mower up. Not by yourself anyway and, when Mrs. Taylor let you mow the lawn, she was usually grocery shopping. Plus, there was no way you could ask her for her help.  She was helping you enough as it was.  

 

 

 

 

 

Then, a few months after you had started working for her, she started to get a little big - no, **hugeantic** \- around the middle.  Craig Taylor still wasn't home a lot and you always wondered why but there was no way in hell you would ask.  You had only met him once, on accident, and it hadn't been very pleasent.  Jennifer had been sitting on the couch, swollen feet propped up on pillows - thanks to _you_ \- and had been watching TV - TLC's _A Baby Story_ \- and you had been in the kitchen wiping the counters, doing the dishes, and even had been about to make her a sandwhich because pregnant women were _always_ hungry weren't they?  You had made a note to ask Debbie when you had gone back home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then _he_ had come home.  Jennifer had told you that he was on a business trip, that he wouldn't be home for a few days but, here he was, shocked angry expression on his face as to why some snot nosed twelve-year-old was in his kitchen "wrecking" the place.  But, in all honesty, how could it be wrecked when it looked better then it had before _you_ had come along?  He had yelled at you, screamed at you to get out of his fucking house, off his fucking property, before he called the cops. You remember being scared enough to piss your pants. Of course, you didn't.  Twelve-year-olds **don't** pee in their pants.  That's for little kids who can't be brave enough to at least wait until they get to the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

 

You had ran out of the house like a bat out of hell and, after you had thought about it, it was like hell when Craig was there.  Craig was Satan.  All he needed was to sprout some horns.  You hadn't returned to Jennifer's house afterwards.  At least, not right away.  Debbie had come up to your room - well yours and Mikey's - one day.  She had told you that you were allowed to go back.  And you did.  And it got you thinking - why the heck were you, a twelve-year-old boy, working? Michael didn't work.  Well, he helped with chores around the house when Debbie told him to.  But - that was different.  She was his mom.  You had shrugged the question off - you liked Mrs. Taylor - she was nice - and you didn't mind getting out of the wild house that is Debbie's and getting away from Michaels incessent whining, which _didn't_ stop as he got older.

 

 

 

 

 

She had been happy to see you when you returned to her huge house.  She had even hugged you, which was kind of hard considering her stomach was as big as...big but she did somehow.  Then, instead of letting you clean like you usually did she had let you help her sort through baby clothes.  As the two of you had sat in the room that would belong to her unborn child she had told you that it was going to be a boy.  That she was going to name him Justin because she had always liked the name.  She had told you that she wouldn't mind it if you came by and helped her take care of him since Craig was gone all the time, if you came by and played with him when she needed to cook dinner or something.  And you had told her you wouldn't mind at all.  That you would love to come by and play with Justin.  What else could you say at the age of twelve?  When you were twelve their hadn't been anything else to do.

 

 

 

 

 

She had been happy and she had hugged you again.

 

 

 

 

 

And then **he** came along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You remember Debbie waking you and Mikey up at two on the morning of your thirteenth birthday, shaking you and telling you to get your fuckin' asses out of bed.  You remember hearing the words 'baby'  and 'Jennifer' and that's all the two of you needed to get out of bed and hurry up and get out of the house.  After you were dressed appropriatly of course.  The first thing you noticed when you reach the waiting room of the hospital is that Craig isn't there.  Then you think that he's probably inside the room with his wife, helping her through it.  You remember sitting in the boring hospital for hours.  You'd play cards with Michael for entertainment but then it got boring.  Then the doctor came out and said that you couldn't come in because kids weren't allowed.  Debbie had sneaked you in somehow and when you finally did enter the hospital room you immediatly noticed that Craig _isn't_ there.  Then you think that that's good because he's an asshole and that he didn't deserve to see his wife or son anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then you reach Jennifer - all tired and hot and holding a small blanket in her arms with a baby inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_He's just a baby_ is what you thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**xxx**

You remember when he was six, you were ninteen, you thought he was the most annyoying thing in the world. You were still mowing the lawn - the front and back - for Jennifer and still helping her with other chores that she needed you to do, for pay now, when she was off working.  That consisted of watching Justin - the most annoying kid to walk the planet.  Sure, he was _cute_ enough, all blond hair and huge blue eyes but fucking annoying.  He wouldn't shut up.  He would ramble about first grade all the time, about some girl named Daphne.  You would have to listen to him while you dropped him off at school and when you picked him up.  When Jennifer finally came home you were beat and ready to get out of there as fast as possible.  Watching six-year-olds wasn't your cup of tea.

 

 

 

 

 

But you helped her anyway but only because you loved her.

 

 

 

 

 

But as soon as you got out of the house you would get in your jeep, grab Michael, and off to Babylon you went.  Your place to relax, get rid of the annoying kid voice banging in your head, and get your cock sucked.  Michael, on the other hand, would stay at the bar with Emmett and Ted and have boring conversations about the hot men instead of actually doing anything.  Then you'd leave, sleep, and everything would happen over again. Exactly the same.  You would never admit, out loud, that life had gotten pretty boring and worthless by this point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**xxx**

Then he's suddenly fifeteen, you're twenty-eight and you no longer watch over him. Not everyday. He's still a nerd.  You had went over there every once in a while to visit her and he'd always be playing the computer or playing Tomb Raider or reading magazines.  Sometimes Daphne would be with him and they'd be studying or just fooling around because that's what teenagers do.  Then you'd remember that in a few years you're not going to be so young anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**xxx**

Now he's seventeen.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Keepsake

Look at me now Look at me now I've become the perfect one Look at me now Look at me nowI 've become the perfect one **Perfect One – Sneaker Pimps**

**xxx**

_Bri._

 

 

Now he's seventeen.  

 

 

And I'm invited to his party.  Do seventeen-year-olds really have parties anymore?  Obviously.  I sigh and wonder if this is going to be another one of those "Brian and Justin" parties where everyone celebrates both their birthdays and I feel like the thirty-year-old that I finally am.  I sigh.  Shit - I may even _weep_ about the fact.  Sure, thirty isn't old - it's **very** old.  Ok, not really. I've always been dramatic about the whole age thing. I still look as hot as ever - probably even better and I can still get any male on the planet.  I really don't have anything to worry about.  As Michael would say:  I'm just an overly dramatic queen. Only when it comes to age though so...shut up. I'm no queen - in every other factor of my life.  And I'll stick to that no matter what anyone says.  I jump at the sound of my cell ringing - not really expecting it.

 

 

 

"Hello?"

 

 

 

"Happy biiiiirthday, _old man_!"

 

 

 

It's Justin and, as usual, I smile at the sound of his voice.  Even though he's insulting me and it really does cut me deep.  Kind of.  "Shut up, kid and happy birthday to you too. I see you haven't matured **any**."  He laughs and we both know that this doesn't insult him a bit. He actually doesn't mind being extremely immature.  "Are you coming to Debs to celebrate?"  I snort.  "My death and your birth?"  I can see the blond rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone line and he laughs slightly.  "Well, if that's how you want to put it - yes.  But, really, to celebrate the days that we were _born_."  I snort again.  "Not exactly worth celebrating on my part, Sunshine."

 

 

"God, you're so angsty.  You're supposed to be _happy_."

 

 

I smile. "And how do you propose I...be happy?"

 

 

"You'll be happy if you come over here and eat cake with me."

 

 

"Yeah right!  All those **carbs**."

 

 

Justin sighs at the end and I think he's truly disappointed at the mere thought of me not showing up at Debs. Of course I planned on showing up. He out of all people should know _that_.  "Just a little piece?"  I smile and head out of my loft and lock the door.  "I was kidding, Sunshine.  No need to get all "angsty" on me as you like to put it.  I'd never miss your birthday."  I can imagine his dorky smile coming onto his face.  No, he really is a dork.  He has bad hair - not that I would ever tell him that and he's...just a dork. He just looks like a dork.  Sure, he's...kind of cute...I guess if you wear the shirt, "I love Dorks" but, yeah, he's the most dorkish person I know.  He's even dorkier looking than Michael and **that's** saying something. Michael is very dorky.

 

 

"You'll apparently miss yours though."

 

 

"I was planning on it."

 

 

"I'll see you soon."

 

 

"Bye, kid."

 

 

"I told you to stop calling me that a million times."

 

 

"Sorry, sorry.  God."

 

 

 

"That's more like it."

 

 

I grin, "You really are egoistic."

 

 

He hangs up on me and I focus only on driving. My mind, however, keeps focusing on the birthday I'm going to. Not my birthday.  His birthday - Justin's.  I don't know why I do - I just do.  It's just something to _think_ about I guess.  I can only imagine how...dorky this party is going to be.  How..."uncool" it's going to be.  Like I said before - Justin is one-hundred percent dork.  Well, he was the many, many months ago when I saw him last and I really don't expect him to change.  Though he does sound extremely hot over the phone - for the record.  I slowly park in Debbie's drive-way, dreading the seconds where I'll walk through that front door and everyone will remind me that I'm thirty - fucking - years old.  The agony.  The pain that I go through for this... **kid**.

 

 

With a heavy sigh, I get out of my jeep and head up the sidewalk that leads me to the front door and make my way inside.  I can hear everyone's voices coming from the backyard so that's where I go.  I peek, first, and see who's here.  I don't see Justin, which is odd but I do see Daphne, his long time best-friend forever.  Deb and Vic talking.  Justin's mom making small talk with Craig who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else right now.  Why the hell did he even bother coming if it was blatantly obvious to everyone that he didn't want to be here?  Michael was standing next to Emmett, Ted and Daphne.  The three of them were laughing.  Emmett was, no doubt, joking around as usual.  Him and his flamboyant self.  So, there isn't really a huge turnout for the party - thank god. Melanie, Lindsay and my son happen to be out of town - another thank God.

 

Well, that Melanie's not here.

 

Linds and Gus on the other hand...I wouldn't mind seeing them.

 

 

"They won't bite."

 

 

"Shit!"

 

 Justin was inside - that's why he wasn't... _outside_.  Imagine that logic.  Grinning, I turn around to face my longtime tagalong and realize that, fuck; he's not a.... _dork_.  How can this be?  I don't say anything at first.  It's kind of hard to say something when you're totally and completely shocked at the sight of someone you've known for so long looking so...different.  His hair isn't short anymore.  Damn - he has good hair.  It's long; down to his ears and straight but...shaggy at the same time if that even makes any sense.  It's still blond, as blond as ever.  Well, more gold than blond, really.  And he's slightly tanner than before, though he's nowhere near being my kind of tan.  And since when did he start wearing tight jeans?  And tight shirts for that matter?  Since when did kid!dork!Justin look...not like a kid, or a dork?  But, instead, incredibly fuckable.  He raises an eyebrow at me and crosses his arms over his chest.

 

 

" _What_?  Do I have something on my face?"

 

 

Uh - yeah - a really nice mouth.

 

 

"N-no, it's just that...have you gotten _shorter_?"

 

 

He grins and smacks me on the arm.  Good save - he hates it when I make fun of his height.  "Ha - ha.  Very funny, Kinney."  I shrug and concentrate on only looking at his eyes. Not anywhere else. If you know what I mean.  "I thought so."  He rolls his eyes, his very, very blue eyes, and grabs my wrist to lead me outside to join the pack of sharks just waiting to make fun of my "old" age.  And of course I follow him and let him take me out there because, well, it gave me a very nice view of his bubble butt.  When I appear no one wastes time telling me happy birthday.  They’re so mocking me – especially Michael. He’s enjoying this way too much.

 

 

“God, you’re so old now, Bri.”

 

 

 

“Shut up if you want to last the rest of the party.”

 

Justin grins and decides to chide me too except I’m still too shocked at how fucking hot he is to even care.  What the fuck happened?  Who did this to him?  What – did puberty finally catch all the way up with him?  Did he finally gain some sense of what looked good and what didn’t?  Did he just wake up and look like this?  God – he’s almost too much for me to handle right now.  Debbie strolls over, plastic bracelets jangling and huge smile on her face as she chews on her gum.

 

“How’s it feel to be a day older?”

 

Justin answers with,

 

“No different!”

 

 Me: “Like hell.”  Debbie slaps me lightly on the arm.  “Brian - - always so dramatic.”  I roll my eyes.  “That’s _me_.”  She makes small talk with us for a few moments and then I turn to Justin, eyebrow raised and arms crossed over my chest.  “So, what happened to you?”  The blond looks downright confused.  He stares up at me for a moment, confused frown on his face, and then he smiles.

 

“What are you _talking_ about?”

 

“You look different, twat.”

 

He smiles, “Well, I grew out my hair.”  I roll my eyes.  What else has he done?  I’m sure growing his hair didn’t make his entire body change from drab to insanely hot.  I shake my head and the festivities carry on.  I try and stick with Michael as much as I can to make sure that I don’t see too much of Justin.  My bottom half as been paying too much attention as it is.  I don’t need _that_ to happen again.  Daphne hurries over to me, smile on her face.  “So, what do you think?” If she’s talking about what I think she’s talking about… I’m going to kill her.  Seriously.

 

“Think about what, **Oh specific one**?”

 

She grins and pushes me on the shoulder.

 

“About _Justin_!  Duh.”

 

“Oh, sorry if I can’t read your mind.  My mind reading abilities aren’t up to code.”

 

“Answer me, asshole.”

 

“What do you mean, what do I think about him?”

 

She groans, obviously annoyed at my feigned innocence.  Thank god she’s not holding a drink or she’d probably douse me with it.  “C’mon - - don’t tell me you didn’t notice how _fucking hot_ he is!”  I smile slightly, shake my head, and look over at the topic of our discussion. He’s talking to Michael. Probably about comic books or something dorky like that.  Even though his appearance has changed I highly doubt that his attitude has changed - - especially if he’s talking to Michael.  “He’s your best-friend.  You shouldn’t talk about him like that.”  She slaps me again, grinning.  “I can if I want. It doesn’t matter anyway though.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Incase you didn’t know - - he’s gay.”

 

Of course I knew.  Who does she think I am?  I’m just having some difficulty thinking due to the fact that Michael had dropped something on the ground and Justin was bending over to retrieve it for him.  And his ass just happens to be facing my direction.  I look back over at Daphne and raise my eyebrow down at her.  “Was there something you **needed**?”  She stomps the ground, acting way younger then the sixteen, almost seventeen, year old that she is.  “Yes.  Answer my damn question.”

 

“I will admit – if you keep your mouth shut – that he’s extremely…fuckable.”

 

“I knew it.”

 

“Than why’d you even ask?  You’re extremely irritating sometimes, just so you know.  Now go away and do whatever it is that you…kids do these days at parties.”

 

She smiles.

 

“We crash them.  I understand - - why an _older man_ like yourself wouldn’t remember.”

 

I frown at her.  “Fuck you – I answer your stupid question and you treat me like shit.  I can still kick your ass, you know.”  She just shrugs and looks over at her best-friend who’s still in a heated discussion about something with Michael. Probably about what’s happening in the next Captain Astro comic.  It wouldn’t surprise me in the least. They always argue about them – idiots.  “I was just kidding.  Lighten up. Don’t worry - you’re still hot.”  I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless.  

 

“And that just means so much – coming from _you_.”

 

“I’m gonna go talk to Justin. He’s a lot nicer.  _And hotter_.”

 

I watch her retreating back and, 

 

 

 

“Keep your mouth **shut** , brat!”

 


	3. 3 - Anything

  
Author's notes: Sorry for the long wait!!!! ENJOY!  


* * *

  


Do you hear now?  
You're beautiful.  
Do you hear now?  
You're beautiful.  
Do you hear now?  
You're beautiful.  
 **Beautiful - Mandalay**

**xxx**

_Bri_.

The party is dying down.

 

Everyone has left except me, Justin and Daphne. Well, Debbie and Vic are still here of course seeing as it's their house and all. They're inside cleaning the dishes and she had instructed Daphne and I to go clean the yard while Justin got to sit inside and talk because, Debbie had stated proudly, it's Sunshine's birthday and he gets to relax - I guess she " _forgot_ " it's my birthday too. The smirk on his face had said he was clearly amused when Daphne and I had stomped back outside into the yard to clean up all the trash. It's dark too, which makes us go even slower. Deb's outside light needs a new bulb and I get the brief feeling that she hasn't had it fixed yet because she wanted me to suffer out here. Daphne could careorless. She's too busy pestering me about "our secret."

 

"Why can't I tell him?"

 

That's the fifth time she's asked me that question.

 

"Will you shut up already?"

 

I throw a dirty fork at her and she hurriedly throws it back at me, giggling like the annoying sixteen, almost seventeen, year old that she is. "You don't have to be so violent, _old man_!" I roll my eyes at the new nickname she has "blessed" me with. I ignore her and begin picking up trash again and throwing it in my black trash bag. She does the same, finally quiet - - - for a few seconds anyway. "Why didn't you get him anything for his birthday? Did you forget or something?" No, I didn't forget. How could I forget? I just hadn't known what to get him. I don't know what he's into these days. I shrug and take a break, cracking my back.

 

"I didn't know what to get him. I'll take him out tonight, I guess."

 

"Ooo, where?"

 

She bounds over to me, bag full of trash following her, and a glint in her eyes. Stupid girl - - - she's thinking **way** too deep into this. "Not on a _date_ you twat!" Her face falls slightly but the smile doesn't really leave her face. "So, where?" I shrug and choose not to answer. Her spirits in talking to me don't fail - they never do. "Do you know where he really wants to go? Clubbing!" I look over at her - "That's nice. Is there a point to you telling me that?" She rolls her eyes at me this time and hits me with her trash bag. Gross. These are expensive clothes for godsakes. I hit her with mine, though, because there's no way in hell that I'm letting her get away with that shit. She hits me with hers again and we begin a game of "garbage bag fighting" and I really don't ever engage in stupid things like this but, this time is different. These are fucking nice clothes! Suddenly her garbag bag splits, which makes me laugh my ass off, which then makes her grab my bag and rip a huge gaping hole in mine so all our trash is back on the ground.

 

Debbie peaks out, hearing our laughter and screams. ( _Daphne's_ screams actually)

 

"What the hell are you doing out here? I told you to clean up!"

 

Justin peaks out from behind her, grin on his face.

 

"I'll help, Deb."

 

She goes back into the house, rolling her eyes at our display of trashing the yard. Justin, smile still on his face, looks down at the trash on the ground and our massecered garbage bags. "You guys are losers." I raise an eyebrow. "This coming from the _queen of losers_?" He smiles a fake sweet smile at me and I'm sure that if he had had a garbage bag of his own he'd be unleashing it on me. He walks over to the box of trash bags, gets one out for each of us, and begins helping us clean up the trash that we had rearranged on the ground. Daphne rambles on and on...and on...until I cut her off.

 

"I'll take you somewhere - for your birthday. Where do you wanna go?"

 

Justin doesn't say anything so I assume that he's thinking. Daphne smirks and looks over at me and then back over at him. "I know _where_ he wants to go, Mr. Kinney!" I roll my eyes over at her. "Yeah, you told me - clubbing." She shakes her head and smirks over at Justin who's probably sending her the worst possible warning look ever. She just shrugs and looks back over at me. "Well, yeah, but noo, he wants to go to-" Suddenly Justin's hand slaps over her mouth and he's telling her to shut the hell up. I roll my eyes. I don't get teenagers - no matter how hot they are. A few seconds later Justin releases Daphne, says a few threatening words to her, and walks towards me.

 

"You'll take me anywhere?"

 

Yeah, if anywhere equals my bedroom.

 

"You got it, Sunshine."

 

"Babylon."

 

"Sure."

 

That won't be so bad. I go there on a regular basis anyway. He smiles that stupidly bright smile at me, except it doesn't exactly look stupid - more like beau-shut the fuck up - and walks back over to Daphne and, I'm assuming, tells her where I'm taking him. 

 

And we finish picking up the trash before Debbie comes out here and kills us.

**xxx**

It doesn't take very long for about...ten million hot men to hit on Justin. It doesn't take very long for me to tell about ten million hot men to fuck off either. Justin enjoys it way too much. He laughs each time, self-satisfied smirk on his face and, suddenly, I wish he was a dork still 'cause then it would be a lot easier to not get so angry when men came up to him. _Hell_ , men wouldn't even come onto him so my job would be...nonexistant.

 

"Wanna beer, kid? You might as well celebrate like a real man."

 

"I'm not a kid! I'm seventeen."

 

"Fine, _Justin_ , would you like an _alcoholic beverage_?"

 

He slaps me on the arm and declines, small smile on his face. What seventeen-year-old boy declines free beer? He's a fucking weirdo. We should really have a talk. We're silent for a moment and I watch him as he watches everyone else dancing on the floor. He suddenly grins over at me and grabs my wrist and begins pulling me towards the swarm of moving bodies. I pull him to a stop - I don't think so.

 

"What the hell are you doing?"

 

"Uh - you know, _dancing_?"

 

He looks at me like I'm stupid and I roll my eyes. "No way, Sunshine." He sends me this pleading look with his eyes and, seriously, it's really hard to deny him when he's looking at you like _that_. I roll my eyes again and he smiles a huge smile knowing that he has won and I have forfieted. 

 

"Fine, but just **one** dance."

**xxx**

One dance turned into about ten dances.

 

What can I say? I can't help myself. He's really fucking hot when he dances, seeing as he's probably one of the best dancers in the entire club. I'm not exxagerating either. But, now, I seriously need to stop. It's kind of tireing fighting all these hot, gorgeous men away from Justin, who, still, thinks it's the most amusing thing in the world - me fighting off horny men. Stupid bastard. "We're done, Sunshine." I grab his hand and all but drag him off the floor. He doesn't protest - he doesn't say anything until we're leaning against the bar again and I'm holding a beer. 

 

I feel eyes on me and I look to the right to see Justin's eyes peering back.

 

"What are you _looking_ at?"

 

I raise an eyebrow and almost make a joke about how most men can't not look at me but I decide against it. But only because he looks so serious at the moment. 

 

"Do you know what I _really_ want for my birthday?"

 

"This wasn't what you wanted? To go clubbing with the hottest guy in the Pitts?"

 

I smile to show him I'm joking and he smiles for a moment but then he's back on "Serious Mode." 

 

" _Well_ , actually, no."

 

"What then? I said I'd do anything."

 

"Anything?"

 

"I don't like to repeat myself, _kid_."

 

This time he doesn't tell me not to call him kid. He stands there for a minute with an odd expression on his face. An expression of shyness, nervousness, and unsureness all at the same time. I raise an eyebrow and turn around and lean on my side against the bar to give him all my attention.

 

"What, Justin?"

 

"Umm...I was wondering if you..."

 

I sigh impatiently - only because I want to know what the hold up is **real bad**.

 

"If I could what?"

 

....

 

....

 

"Uh - I-I want **you** to be t-the one to...t-take my...v-virginity."


	4. 4 - Gift

  
Author's notes: Lets try this again...  


* * *

  


Say anything  
But say what you mean  
When you whisper you want this  
Your eyes tell the same  
We are gaining speed  
I can barely breathe  
Cause I'm caught in suspension  
 **Mae – Suspension**

**xxx**

_Bri_.

" _Uh - I-I want you to be t-the one to...t-take my...v-virginity."_

xxx

 

At first I don't think I hear him right but by the expression on his face, I'm **sure** I heard exactly what he said; I can't believe it either. Justin is...well, Justin isn't...I don't know. I just never expected _those_ words to come out of _his_ mouth. I guess he never expected those words to come out of his mouth either, probably. He's blushing furiously and I'm surprised he hasn't run away, tail between his legs. He looks like he wants to **very** badly. Hell, I'd want to if I had just asked a question like that; well, if I were shy and stuff like _he_ is anyway. He doesn't look away from me, surprisingly, and the two of us are silent. Honestly - I have no idea what to fucking say. I can't say yes. That'll just make our relationship totally weird - but I can't say no either - he's so fucking hot. And I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. 

Maybe, if I do screw him, it won't make things worst.

Maybe it'll just make me want him more and more; that wouldn't be _too_ bad.

"Never mind - forget it."

Yeah right. And I'm just about to say yes and everything.

I shake my head, grab his wrist and all but drag him out of the club. 

"I said _anything_ , Sunshine."

  
**xxx,**

_Jus_   


.

 

**Oh. My. God**.

My lifetime dream since I knew exactly what sex was, is about to come true.

I had been so fucking scared - seriously - when I had asked. I had been thinking about asking him all evening; my mind started as soon as I saw him in Debbie's house this afternoon. My nervousness had only grown steadily worse the longer we spent together. I began counting the seconds until I'd ask him; then I'd bail out and continue doing whatever it was that I was doing. Christ, I thought I was never going to get the question out. I thought I'd lose my chance at asking for the best birthday present I could get this year. 

Then I asked.

He didn't answer.

I was sure he was going to say 'no way!' Why would he want to fuck me? We've known each other for so long - we're practically best-friends and that would just be way too weird afterwards. _Most likely anyway_. So, I decided to save my skin. "Never mind. Forget it." I figured he'd leave it at that, smile and drag me out to the dance floor, and we'd both forget that embarrassing moment. Embarrassing for me anyway. He had surprised me and before I even knew what was going on - we're outside the club and he's leading me to his jeep. His hand is wrapped gently around my wrist and then he's opening the passenger side door for me. "Get in, birthday boy." I feel slightly numb, maybe a little confused but, most of all, fucking nervous. 

I didn't think I'd be nervous after asking the question.

I was so totally wrong. I'm even _more_ nervous now.

  
**xxx**

_Bri_   


.

 

I lead him into my loft.

We had managed to actually talk on the way here but, I could tell he was, is, extremely nervous seeing as it’s his ‘first time’ and everything... I bet I was too - but I can't remember now. It's been a while since I got _my_ cherry popped. I turn and watch as he comes inside and shuts the door. I’ve never seen a single being look so nervous before. I’ll make this entirely perfect for him. I have to. I feel obligated. Hell, I **want** to.

“This is a…really nice place.”

I smile slightly, pulling my shirt off and throwing it to the side.

He looks slightly…I don’t know. I can tell he’s trying not to let his eyes wander – too much anyway. The bottled water that I have in my hand is soon pouring over my bare chest. I know I’m hot – I know he thinks I’m hot. I’m doing this to him on purpose – just to make him stutter and blush. It’s…endearing, seeing his cheeks turn a light shade of pink. I set the water down and move to my jeans. They’re off in a few seconds and Justin, well, he’s extremely…hot. His innocence looks way to fucking good on him. His innocence is more than a major turn on.

He doesn’t say anything now.

He probably doesn’t trust himself to speak.

He’s doing everything he can not to look in… _certain_ places.

I raise an eyebrow at him, sideways grin on my face. I would say he looks extremely cute right now but that’s not usually something that comes out of my mouth. “So, are you coming or going? Or…coming and then going? Or coming and _staying_?” I don’t usually let people stay after I’m done with them. I usually kick them straight out of bed and all but shove them out the door as soon as their clothes are back on. Justin’s different. Justin’s…Justin. Justin is one of my closest friends. I couldn’t do that to him. Sure, we both know that this is just a birthday fuck – nothing more – but there’s no way I’m kicking him out of bed when we’re through. I’m going to make this the night of his life.

He doesn’t say anything.

I watch as he swallows, finally walking towards me looking like a twelve-year-old who got in major trouble. Well, if he got in trouble there’s no way in hell I’ll have a problem with punishing him for it. Just send him my way. When he’s close enough I grab his hips and pull him against me, force my mouth against his and slide my tongue between his parted lips. He tastes good. Too good. And he’s _way_ too good a kisser to be considered ‘innocent.’ I slide a hand between our bodies, cupping his clothed cock in my hand and giving it a squeeze. He gasps into my mouth, leaning into me, hands cradling the back of my head and I can’t hold off any longer. It’s time to get this show on the fuckin’ road.

It’s time to get my cock up his ass.

_Right fuckin’ now_.

“C’mon…”

I pull away from him and lead him up my platform by the front of his shirt. Once we’re there I try and slow things down – at least a **little** bit. I pull his shirt up over his head and throw his carelessly to the floor. I press my mouth against his, lips sliding down his throat and biting a little just to get a little gasp out of him. I pull away and drag my hands down his chest, his skin quivering and perspiring, until I reach his jeans. I slide them down his hips and he steps out of them. He’s extremely tense and I’m not really surprised, I’ll admit. I kiss him softly on the mouth, fingers sliding under the waistband of his boxers and slowly slide them down. My lips slide down his throat again, over his collarbone, down the center of his chest as my hands continue dragging his boxers down.

Then I’m on my knees.

And I don’t get on my knees for _anyone_ , you know.

I’m _rarely_ the one down on my knees.

He holds himself up by placing his hands on my nightstand as I blow hot air across his weeping cock. I won’t be too hard on him. He’s a _virgin_ , after all. I don’t want him to come until I’m inside him, making him scream and mutter and moaning incoherently.

  
**xxx**

_Jus_   


.

 

I’m surprised I’m not coming yet.

To be honest – I thought I’d come as soon as his clothes were off. I’ve always thought he was beautiful but…I’ve never seen him without his clothes on, completely naked and… **fuck**. He’s more than beautiful in my eyes now. He’s…fucking gorgeous. Totally and completely gorgeous. All bronze and muscles, tall and lean, fucking sexy. He’s the most perfect man –  ever. No man can compare to him. They don’t stand a fucking chance. He’s won the competition. 

And then his mouth is on mine and his hand is on my cock.

And I’m still not coming yet – good thing ‘cause my clothes are still on.

I tell myself not to come until he’s at least _inside_ of me.

God – and thinking of him about to be inside of me is something I should really try and not think about. Him. Inside me – oh fucking god. It’ll be so _hot_. 

Now he’s moving us to the platform that holds his bed. His wonderful and glorious bed. The bed that I’m about to be fucked on. I really wouldn’t have it any other way. To be honest, I can’t imagine anyone else ridding myself of my virginity _other_ than Brian.

Everything moves so fast.

I don’t remember him taking my clothes off.

Probably because the sensations of his mouth all over my skin and his warm breath on my hard dick is so totally and utterly distracting. I quickly place some of my weight on his nightstand so I don’t collapse from sensory overload. I’ve never been so fucking horny in my life. I’ve never been so fucking anxious in my life either. The hot air from his mouth is gone as he quickly stands back up on his feet, hands gently caressing my hips, trailing up my chest, pinching my hard nipples and shoving through my hair. Him touching me is almost too much and I tell him to stop touching me or I’ll come right then. And he listens – smile on his face – for the _moment_.

He grabs my hands though and gently pushes me down on his bed, his body toppling on top of mine. I try to ignore the friction of our cocks rubbing against each other but, you know, that’s something that’s pretty hard to ignore. I’m not sure whether it’s on accident or on purpose, but his body rocks, grinds, against mine. Not enough to make my come, not yet, but just enough to bring me to the edge. Then he slows down, his kisses turning into languid, innocent, kisses and his body stops all motion. And just as I start to get myself to calm down he’ll start moving again, lips and tongue kissing my mouth, cheeks, collarbone, chest, everywhere they can reach and I can’t breathe.

I’m so fucking hot right now.

“Brian – **_please_** …”

  
**xxx**

_Bri_   


.

 

 

I can hardly hear him.

He’s so gaspy, breathless and sexy.

**He so wants me**.

I stop torturing him, make haste in reaching over to my nightstand and grabbing the two most important items in the world to me: a condom and lube. I sit up, positioning myself between his legs and set the things next to me. I rub my hands up and down his legs, his body growing tense as the birthday “gift” starts to get closer and closer. He watches me and I watch back. For the first time I notice how fucking _trusting_ he looks, how fucking gorgeous he looks looking at me like _that_. Like he’s placing his entire life in my hands and that I have all the control in the world – I either break him or make him whole. 

No one’s ever looked at me that way.

And I’m not _sure_ what to make of it.

“Are you sure?”

He nods his head furiously, blond hair splaying over my deep blue sheets.

“ _Yes_ , yeah, _sure_.”

I smile, kissing his knee real quickly and hold up the condom package.

“Now, this is what we call a _condom_ kids,”

He laughs, slapping my hand. “I know! I’m not that stupid!” I smile at him and rip the package open and throw it down on the bed next to me. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure.” He rolls his eyes and I’m glad to see that I’ve made him more comfortable. I hold the condom out to him. He doesn’t immediately take it. I can see the hesitation in his eyes, his oh so trusting gorgeous eyes, and I nod at him. “Go ahead, slip it on my dick.” I can almost hear him gulp as he gingerly takes the latex out of my hand and lips up slightly. I move closer to him, hovering my body over his so he can reach. I bite my lip as his hand touches my cock. It’s only a slight touch as he slides the condom on – but it’s a touch.

A **good** touch.

He fully rests on his back after he’s done – his **sinful** innocence appearing again.

“Not so hard is it?”

I grin at him and he smiles back, rolling his eyes and pushing me slightly on the shoulder.

“Shut up. I get _enough_ of your sarcasm. I don’t need it when you fuck me too.”

I apologize even though we both know I don’t mean it. I sit on my knees between his legs, grabbing the bottle of lube. I pop the cap and gather some. One of my hands rests on his knee and my other smothers the lubrication on his hole. His breath hitches, “Oo – It’s _cold_.” I slide my finger in slightly. “It’ll heat up.” He smiles softly at me and I slide my finger out, grab his legs.

“Put your legs on my shoulders…that’s it...”

“Just…go slow, okay?”

  
**xxx**

_Jus_   


.

 

 

He drives forward, the blunt head of his cock sliding in.

My entire body stiffens and he stops moving – I’m _already_ breathless.

“It hurts – does it always hurt?”

“A little bit. But, that’s part of it. Now relax. I want you to always remember this,”

He moves forward again and I dig my hands into his back. I hope I’m not hurting him. “So that no matter who you’re with…I’ll always be there.” He’s all the way inside and it hurts so fucking bad but it starts to turn into something so fucking good. I’m not sure if it hurts anymore or if it feels extremely good. I decided not to try and decipher what I’m feeling and, instead, press my mouth against his wanting to feel connected in more ways than one. 

Then all I feel is him inside me.

His hot breath on my face.

His lips against my forehead, my hair, my mouth.

His hands gently caressing my skin.

I feel…unreal. 

…I think I’m in love with Brian Kinney – as stupid as that sounds.

  
**xxx**

_Bri_   


.

 

 

When he comes I come.

When he comes – god, he’s more gorgeous than he already is.

When he comes – he curls up against me.

He curls up against my side – wraps an arm around me – and I allow it. I can’t push him away, his body sticking to mine, our breaths slowing down together. I look over at him. His eyes are closed, his lips parted as he catches up with his breath, chest rising and falling. I think I may fuck him again before he can even think about going to sleep. I roll over on my side and run a hand through his hair, which makes him open his eyes. He looks at me shyly for a moment, obviously at loss for words and I smile.

“How was it?”

“It was… _great_.”

I grin and run my tongue along his throat.

“Happy birthday, Sunshine.”

He only smiles at me and I move so that I’m on top of him again.

“Up for another round?”

His _dick_ says he is.


End file.
